It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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