if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
