And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
