I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just googled if crying burns calories
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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