Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
