I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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