The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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