I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
