That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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