Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
