I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
