Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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