Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
