I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
