I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
