careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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