There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
