I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize