She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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