Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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