I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
