if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this boner is exhausting
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
