If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drunk is a universal language darling
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
