At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
