theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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