I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
