I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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