He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
