Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
