One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
