Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
