and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize