The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
