Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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