His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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