WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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