Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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