I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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