a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
