I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
