no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize