she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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