i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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