I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
