Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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