Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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