My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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