do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
