Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
