I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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