3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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