no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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