There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You smell like stripper and shame
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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