Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
