You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
