I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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