apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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