we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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