she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize