Your face is a jimmy john
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize