I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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