you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
