My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your cock deserves a montage
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
