his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
