I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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