you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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