So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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