Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
