My girlfriend figured out who you are.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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