I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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